Breaking News! Kerry Won The Election

John Kerry was serving a summons for a court case involving a car accident and was unanimously elected…. JURY FOREMAN!

“I’m John Kerry.. and I’m reporting for Jury Duty”

Kerry campaigned for the leadership position claiming that the current Foreman misled the jury into kicking Jim (juror # 6) in the shins. He argued, quite longwindedly, that the War in the courtroom was only leading to more car accidents and that the UN must oversee their deliberation. Kerry and his backers deployed filmmaker/propagandist Michael Moore to persuade the court that although, Kerry was for car accidents before he was against them, he still has what it takes to be a great leader.

Congratulations John Kerry…You’ve actually won something! now go home